First date. He brought a spreadsheet.
He said he likes to ‘be intentional’. Then he turned his laptop round. I thought we were looking at holiday photos. We were looking at a compatibility matrix. The wine…
The group chat
Conversations
Credit to Lauren Cowell for putting herself out there on children’s screen time
A bit of credit where it’s due: Lauren Cowell has really put herself out there this year, and I think it’s impressive. The Times has a piece about her campaign…
Once I’ve washed my hair, you’re not allowed to cancel.
The plans were casual. The hair wash was a commitment. Cancel while I’m still on the sofa? Lovely. Cancel after the shampoo, conditioner and full blow-dry? We’re going out. Even…
Sunday night dread: what are you avoiding tomorrow?
The weekend has gone suspiciously quickly and Monday is standing in the doorway with a clipboard. What’s waiting for you tomorrow, and what small thing might make it less grim?
How do you turn a work friend into an outside-work friend?
You can spend all day laughing with someone at work and still feel oddly formal about asking them for a coffee on Saturday. Apparently friendship needs a calendar invitation now.…
My neighbour has asked me to stop getting Iceland deliveries. We share a driveway.
My neighbour has asked whether I could stop getting Iceland deliveries because our houses share a driveway and, apparently, people might think the shopping is hers. She caught me unloading…
My friend is charging for Christmas dinner. I’ve asked to see the menu before committing.
My friend has announced she is hosting Christmas dinner this year. It is October, but she has already made a group chat and asked for £45 each by Friday. I…
What’s the pettiest thing you’ve never forgiven?
Someone ate the chocolate off my birthday cake and left the sponge. This was in 2007. I still think about it when they say they’re a good person. What tiny…
I offered to water her plants. She’s sent me a 14-page handover.
A friend is going away for four nights. I offered to pop in and water her plants because she lives two doors down and I thought it would be a…
My friend wants us all in beige for her birthday so we don’t ruin the photos.
My friend has asked everyone to wear beige to her birthday dinner. The message says, “Think oat, biscuit, stone. Nothing that fights the table.” We are going to an Italian…
Which deeply unsexy thing do you find attractive?
Knowing where the stopcock is. Reversing a trailer. Booking the dentist without being reminded. What deeply ordinary skill makes you look at someone differently?
My sister-in-law says liking her ex’s dog photos is taking sides.
My sister-in-law has asked why I am still liking photographs on her ex’s Instagram. She says it looks as though I am taking sides. I am taking a side. The…
Friday confessions: what can you admit this week?
I told someone I’d only just seen their message. I had seen it on Tuesday and needed three working days to become a person who could answer. What small confession…
I told a colleague I was busy. She’s asked me to prove it.
A colleague invited me to her Saturday barbecue. I said, “Thank you, but I’ve already got plans.” My plans were to be in my own home, with no shoes on,…
What makes a good first date when you do not drink?
A first date without the usual pub suggestion: where are we going? Coffee is sensible, a walk depends on the weather, and competitive mini golf could expose far too much…
What’s your personal sign that someone’s loaded?
Forget yachts. I mean the little things: a utility room, matching coat hangers, buying berries without checking the price. What makes you think, right, there’s money here?
My friend has sent me a payment request for the wine I brought to her house.
I took two bottles of wine to a friend’s house on Saturday. On Sunday she sent me a payment request for £8.40. The explanation was “your share of the drinks”.…
He said he was an entrepreneur. His mum collected him halfway through our date.
I went on a date with a man whose profile described him as an entrepreneur. When I asked what sort, he said he was “building a few things” and changed…
What’s your most unreasonable dealbreaker?
Not the sensible ones. I mean a completely harmless habit that makes your attraction pack a bag. I once went off someone because they applauded when the plane landed. What’s…
Petty victory of the week: what’s your tiny triumph?
I peeled the price sticker off a present in one piece. I would like a modest civic reception. What tiny victory deserves far more applause than it’s going to get?