Apparently my limescale isn’t famous enough for this cleaner
I met a woman the other day who told me she runs her own cleaning company. Brilliant, I thought. Asked if she had any availability next week to give my…
Small grudges. Excellent company.
Petty corner
The office mug thief. The speakerphone on the train. The phrase that makes your eye twitch. Petty Corner is the forum for pet peeves, tiny grudges and everyday rants that do not need to become a national incident. What is the smallest hill you are prepared to die on?
- Workplace etiquette
- Group-chat habits
- Household gripes
- Public transport manners
Conversations in Petty corner
A kiwi fruit will soon have a better hairline than my husband. Please advise.
Please advise. Give it a year and a kiwi fruit will have a better hairline than my husband. Other than divorce, what can I do?
What’s the pettiest hill you’re prepared to die on?
No actual problems, please. I want your smallest, least justifiable grievances. Mine is ‘holibobs’. I know people are happy. I want them to be happy. I just want them to…
The Celebrity Traitors group chat: how long should spoilers be forbidden?
A group chat discussing The Celebrity Traitors needs a constitution. One person watches immediately. Another is three episodes behind. A third writes ‘I won’t spoil it, but OH MY GOD’…
Strictly at home: is talking through the dancing a reasonable hobby or a household offence?
There are two kinds of Strictly viewer: the one who wants to hear the music, and the one who has just remembered a long story about somebody who used to…
My friend insists on wearing cashmere blend. What can I do?
She keeps calling it “my cashmere jumper”. I checked the label. We are dealing with a blend. Now every time she wears it I have to sit there knowing the…
My friend cancelled brunch and I had already put the good napkins out
She cancelled two hours before because her boiler was being looked at, which is apparently more urgent than seeing my new butter dish. I have now eaten three croissants alone…
My housemate keeps moving the good crisps into an “emergency” cupboard
I buy the decent salt-and-vinegar crisps for Friday, then discover they have been relocated beside the batteries because apparently guests might arrive unexpectedly. Yesterday I found a ceremonial bowl of…
My neighbour put cones outside her house for a birthday brunch. Do I honour the reservation?
The house opposite has placed two tiny traffic cones outside its frontage, apparently to protect parking for a birthday brunch. I too have guests, in the sense that I own…
My hair wash day has become a diary entry I keep moving
I planned to wash my hair on Tuesday, then wore it up on Wednesday and somehow felt I had bought myself an extension. It is now Sunday and the chair…
I saved Sunday roast leftovers for Monday, then forgot Monday existed
I packed the roast potatoes, carrots and a rather noble slice of beef into separate containers, promising myself a proper Monday lunch. It is now Wednesday and I have just…
My neighbour borrowed my vase and returned it with flowers I would never choose
She needed a vase for a last-minute dinner, so I lent her my tall smoked-glass one. It has come back full of purple chrysanthemums and decorative twigs, which have somehow…
I wore velvet to a pub quiz and now they think I own a vineyard
The invitation said “smartish”, which I interpreted as a velvet blazer and loafers that cannot safely meet pavement. Everyone else was in football shirts and one man had brought a…
My aunt gave us a joint wedding gift but addressed it only to my husband
My aunt sent a very nice salad bowl for our wedding, with a card saying, “For Daniel, to start his new home.” I live here too, and have already put…
Our pub quiz captain has put me on probation. The prize is a meat raffle voucher.
Our pub quiz captain sent me a private message saying we need to talk about my recent performance. I thought he meant the drinking. He meant geography. Apparently writing “Belgium?”…
My dinner guests arrived early and found me eating the starter alone
I invited six people for eight, then got peckish at 7.20 and opened the burrata. Naturally, two arrived at 7.25, just as I was standing at the fridge in slippers…
My neighbour served instant coffee in proper cups and I felt personally misled
I popped round to admire her new conservatory and accepted a coffee, largely because the cups had saucers. One sip in, it was clearly instant, yet presented with the confidence…
I wore a dinner jacket to a neighbour's cheese-and-wine and everyone was in fleeces
The invitation said “a little cheese and wine”, which I interpreted as a modest opportunity for lapels. On arrival, the host was opening a bag of grated Cheddar in a…
Petty victory of the week: what finally went your way?
The queue I chose actually moved fastest. I didn’t say anything, but everyone needed to know. What went your way this week?
What’s the pettiest thing you’ve never forgiven?
Someone ate the chocolate off my birthday cake and left the sponge. This was in 2007. I still think about it when they say they’re a good person. What tiny…
Your kind of conversation?
Vent, laugh and compare notes. Aim the joke at the situation, leave identifying details out and be ready for someone to confess that they do it too.
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