My friend wants us all in beige for her birthday so we don’t ruin the photos.

My friend has asked everyone to wear beige to her birthday dinner. The message says, “Think oat, biscuit, stone. Nothing that fights the table.” We are going to an Italian restaurant above a dry cleaner. I have been before. The table is perfectly capable of defending itself. The invitation arrived three weeks ago. The beige requirement arrived yesterday, after I had bought a green dress. When I said this, she sent me a link to a £79 jumpsuit and wrote, “Something like this would be lovely on you.” It would also be lovely on my overdraft. She says it isn’t a strict dress code. It is just “a cohesive palette”. To help with the lack of strictness, she has attached six photographs and asked us to send our outfits before Thursday. I own beige trousers, but they are the sort I wear when I expect to be sitting on a washable chair for a medical appointment. I do not want to meet a plate of spaghetti in them. One friend asked whether her husband also needs to be neutral. The birthday girl said partners could wear navy, provided they stayed at the ends in group photographs. He has since asked whether he still gets a main course. I realise it is her birthday. I want her to have a nice evening. I have bought her a present, booked a taxi and agreed to split a bill that will include somebody else’s three cocktails. I feel I have demonstrated commitment. Would wearing the green dress be petty, or is asking eight adults to coordinate with a napkin a bit much? She has just shared her own outfit. It is bright red. Apparently the point is that she stands out. I think she has achieved that in the group chat already.