Our pub quiz captain has put me on probation. The prize is a meat raffle voucher.

Our pub quiz captain sent me a private message saying we need to talk about my recent performance. I thought he meant the drinking. He meant geography. Apparently writing “Belgium?” three times suggests a lack of preparation. He has suggested I sit out the next quiz so they can try someone from his office. This is a Wednesday night in a pub with a sticky table, not the Olympic selection process. The replacement turned up, got the music round wrong and left before the scores. They came seventh. We usually come sixth. I have been invited back “if I’m happy to focus on entertainment”. I am, but I want my chair and the bowl of chips nearest me. Would you go back, or start a rival team of everyone he’s disappointed in?